Langs de lijnen van de tijd

Elpermeer bij volle maan, 20-10-2021 21:05

Het aanschijn van de maan is het enige gezicht wat ik nog steeds moeiteloos herken…
Sinds mijn gezichtsveld stoornis, is gezichtsherkenning een kwetsbaar punt voor mij. Hoewel ik prima lettertjes kan lezen, herken ik op straat regelmatig de buren niet. Gelukkig nog wel in grote lijnen, ik herken ze aan hun gestalte, aan hun kleren en soms aan hun hondje…

Klaaske in Den Burg, Texel. 31-03-2019

Ik vroeg Klaaske pas of ze zich ervan bewust is dat ik haar niet ‘normaal’ zie.
Nou, daar was ze zich eigenlijk niet van bewust, mijn ogen kijken haar aan en verraden daarbij dat ik aanwezig ben, ze kan mijn aandacht voelen.

Wat mijzelf inviel, nu ik het hele ‘plaatje’ niet meer goed zie en hooguit op een van beide ogen kan focussen, is dat voor mij het energetisch aspect – zeg maar de uitstraling van een gezicht en die van de ogen – nu een grotere rol lijkt te spelen in de ‘face to face’ communicatie. 

Energie=aandacht=energie…
Dat lijkt in het veld van het bewustzijn net zo cruciaal te zijn als E=mc2 dat is voor de materie.
Maar wat is die ‘energie’ hier eigenlijk… Aandacht, nou, dat weten we wel. Hoewel…

Ik doe ’s ochtends vroeg de energie-oefening uit ‘Aanwijzingen bij de Tao-zen meditatie’ van Maarten Houtman. Die blijkt ook goed te helpen bij onrust en slapeloosheid. Geloof het of niet, als ik m’n iPhone weer wegleg, slaap ik daarna als een roos…
Dat zie ik voor mezelf zo: terwijl ik daar lag te spoken, raak ik steeds verder verstrikt in m’n denken, steeds verder los van m’n lichaam. Terwijl als ik – meegenomen door Maarten’s ingesproken instructie – de blik naar binnen richt en vervolgens met m’n aandacht langs mijn inwendige organen reis, ben ik weer helemaal terug in mijn fysieke bestaan…

In de Taoïstische energie-oefening spelen de ogen een centrale rol. Het is daarbij alsof je met een glimlach ‘bij jezelf naar binnen kijkt’ – de Taoïsten noemen het dan ook the inner smile.
Met die inwendige blik richt je je aandacht op een orgaan. En dat lukt…
Het lijkt net zo te werken als wanneer mensen voelen dat je naar ze kijkt, of dat je aan ze denkt. Dan is het nog maar een klein stapje naar de idee dat aandacht een energetische werking heeft – dat het energie is…

Wat is de kwaliteit van die aandacht?
In twee toespraken uit de Tao-zen sessie van april 1988 geeft Maarten Houtman daar een prachtige kenschets van:

“Voor die ervaring is een luisteren nodig, dat ik jullie niet kan leren.
Waar het eigenlijk aldoor om draait is: kun je – dat is een heel vaag begrip – de stilte bewaren, in je gesprekken, in je vriendschappen. En bezit je liefde stilte. Of is je liefde ook vergankelijk. Als die niet stilte bevat, is hij vergankelijk, gaat hij voorbij – zoals jij voorbijgaat en alle dingen in de schepping voorbijgaan.”
‘Doorlaatbaar zijn’, Eefde, 20 april 1988.

De tweede toespraak vond ik zo mooi, dat ik hem in strofen heb omgezet.
Het gaat met name om deze passage:

“Ik wou dat jullie eens begrepen
hoe ongelooflijk belangrijk het is
om toe te geven.
Jullie zijn allemaal, zonder uitzondering,
nog de overtuiging toegedaan
dat jij ’t op kunt nemen tegen het onbewuste.
Dat kun je niet, je bent een pluisje
in de orkaan van het onbewuste –
je bent niet eens een pluisje…

Het onbewuste is je vriend,
het is je oudste metgezel,
het is nog ouder dan je lichaam.
Je lichaam vernieuwt zich elke keer,
maar het onbewuste –
wat wij dan ‘het onbewuste’ noemen,
het is een heel ongelukkige term –
is veel en veel ouder,
het is zo oud als jij bent.

Er zijn allerlei namen voor gegeven:
Atman, Brahman, God…
Dat is het eigenlijke –
en dat ben jij,
van de aanvang af ben jij dat.
Het enige wat gebeuren moet is dat jij,
in het besef dat je dat bent,
in de schepping mééwerkt.”
‘Jij bent het spel’, Eefde, 19 april 1988
De bewerking tot prozagedicht vind je hier: ‘Jij bent het spel’


 
[met dank aan Klaaske]

 

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